SOME Bruneians believe that arranged marriages are a tradition that should be abolished, while others said it is a custom that helps to save time for individuals to find a long-term partner.

There were mixed reactions when The Brunei Times approached locals to gauge their opinions on whether the practice of arranged marriages is still relevant in today's era.

"I have nothing against arranged marriage. Nowadays, we live in a society where finding a partner can be quite complicated. I know it sounds bad, but it does save the hassle. I am a very busy person and sometimes I just don't have the time to find one," said a 32-year-old female who only wants to be known as Syarifah.

Marriage should not be rushed and one must always find the time to get to know someone before making the big leap towards marriage, said the civil servant who was recently arranged to marry a man introduced by her family .

So far, she has been happy with her parents' choice and said that her family's opinion plays an important aspect to her agreeing to the arranged marriage.

Having a shy personality made it difficult for her to participate in the normal mating rituals, including flirting, and believes that arranged marriages provided an alternative to the conventional method of finding a partner, she said.

Another government officer in her 30ssaid she is unsure of arranged marriages. Despite preferring to make her own choices, she is open to the idea of an arranged marriage by her family.

"Sometimes people are just happy to marry someone within the family circle. Some couples have problems in getting accepted into each other's family. If you marry within the circle, the level of comfort is there, so you don't have to work that hard," she said.

She remarked that arranged marriage is not for everyone, as it depends on whether the individual is suitable to this practice.

A male who only wants to be known as Yap, 26, believes that some people are still open to the idea of arranged marriage.

He said that one of his close friends believes that the divorce rate will be lower when it comes to arranged marriages because "when there is anonymity in the relationship, there are less arguments".

"At the end of the day, some settle just so they can settle. I mean it really is up to the individual on how they want to handle the situation", added the trainer who works in the oil and gas industry.

However, there were some who were firmly against the idea of arranged marriages.

Hj Adi, 24, said that he would never agree if his parents forced him to marry someone he did not choose himself.

Forced marriages do not usually last as it was not one's choice to get married, he said.

The 24-year-old, who is employed in the private sector, said that the parents chose a partner who could provide financial security for their child, especially for parents of daughters in the past.

"(The parents) think they are doing it for the best interest of the child," Hj Adi added.

He explained that this reason alone is no longer valid, since every individual could secure their future as everyone had the right to education and the right to work, regardless of gender.

He also said that the younger generation is more open-minded due to exposure to outside influence, as well as the advent of information technology which constantly changes.

"It's their future, not their parent's," he said, adding that parents who still have this mindset should realise that the marriage will not always end up as they envisioned it to be.

Hj Adi spoke of one particular case where a couple had only agreed to marry to please their parents. However, both partners have consented the other to date other people.

"If that's the case, then they are just living together for the parents' sake," he said.

The Brunei Times